July 15, 2014 01:15 AM
Today I helped my boy Loki with his
teeth. He had 4 baby teeth that had to come out because they were loose and they
were hurting him. He has had trouble eating the last couple of days because of
them and it took a little time and cuddling but I managed to get them out. He is
doing better tonight and is finally sleeping good. Tonight as he laid on the bed
with me looking so sad and I petted him and just let him be close all I could do
is think about to me Thor and out family and it made me cry. Hell I am crying
like I do most times when I think of them because I hurt so much. Loki and I
watched movie and he knew something was wrong, he always does. As I rolled to
my side a little there was a sharp pain in my left pocket and I knew it was my
keys. I reached in to dig them out. I sat looking at them and I just began to
cry harder. You see I don't look at them very often, I try very hard not to.
Tonight I took part of my key chain off and it killed me to do it. It hurts so
much even right now to speak about it. You see on the key ring I made hung a
very special and dear to me key chin. it was a gift from Lisa and the kids. It
was a heart shaped locket that I carried their picture in and on the outside of
it it says Kansas on it. They always wanted me to remember someone in Kansas
loved me, now I don't know if anyone ever really did . I hurt so much all the
time and I don't know how to make it stop. I have carried it since they gave it
to me and in my other pocket there are 2 things that re always there. The one is
the little moonstone angel the Lisa gave my mom and I have carried that with me
every single day since the day my mom died. and in the same pocket there is a
horse chestnut seed or a "buck eye" that my jess brought back from Ohio for me
and I have carried it in that same pocket since she gave it to me. It is hard as
a rock and is polished to a dark sheen now from wear and being moved around in
the fabric. Every single time I change clothes those 2 things get transferred
first. First my right front pocket with my angel and my buck eye the my left
with my keys and my locket.The only reason I am not wearing my Jessie's bracelet
right now is because of this damn skin condition I have developed because of the
constant emotional stress. When I was alone and hurting or feeling sad or even
missing my mo or my love and the kids I would find myself reaching into my
pocket and holding that little angel or just out of nowhere it would seem to be
in my hand and I would be rubbing it. It would make me feel close to my mom and
to my love and family. I have often thought of taking Jess's buck eye and
drilling it and running a silver eye wire through it and making a necklace out
of it. God I can't focus my thoughts are so scrambled its not even funny I miss
you baby, so much and I wish I could just close my eyes and never wake
up.
It is sad for me to know that losing her and the kids nobody is ever going to love me this much when I'm gone.
http://ilovedogs.tv/844/This-Story-Of-A-Dog’s-Last-Day-On-Earth-Is-Beautiful-And-Utterly-Heartbreaking
