September 22, 2014 03:22 AM
I sit
here listening to my music and I cant help but think how my life is so much
like some of the music I listen to. Was listening to Hotel California a little
bit ago and my life seems so much like that song. I feel so totally trapped in
a nightmare in a maze full of exit signs and all of them lead out and go
exactly nowhere. I go from room to room finding something new anything from the
hope of her love and the memories of all we shared and the feeling of being
totally complete to the next room holding nothing but total despair. At every
turn I feel trapped and there only seems to be one way out for me, only one
escape from the pain I have to live with. I spent so much time talking/texting
with my Jess Saturday and Sunday and she accidentally called me while trying to
send me a picture but God the sound of her voice nearly killed me. I miss her
and her brother and sister so much and how I miss their mom. There is nothing worse
that can happen to a man that the death of that something special deep inside
you that keeps you alive. If only I had died or I had never answered that hello
in the night, but if I had not I would never have had those wonderful kids in
my life even if it seems like only one of them truly misses me. God if you are truly
out there and if I matter in the smallest bit help her remember the love we
shared, help her find her way back to the love we shared. Ad if it is truly
your will that we are not meant to be together in this live please lord take
me, take me now. For if I am dead I can await her in the next life and we can
be together there. For I would die a thousand thousand times and search for her
over countless lifetimes to be with her. For one lifetime with her is not
enough for me I want to live a forever’s worth of lifetimes with her. If you
wont let me lord takes away my hope, take away my love and take away my heart. Undo
what you let her do to me. Give me back my strength of unfeeling and uncaring,
return to me my dark and dead heart, grant me my lone soul and desert of
dreams. Take from me all of it so the pain stops, please God I beg you.
